Debs had somehow gotten it into her head that the reason she was still having the painters round every month was that my plumbing was somehow in the same state as one of those thick twats off ‘Cowboy Builders’. She must know something about Dominic Littlewood that I don’t. Anyways, I’m not sure how she came to this conclusion as I’m actually gifted with the amazing ability to produce copious amounts of spunk. You could feed a starving African family of four for weeks with one of my bucket loads. And without dragging my mother into it, not literally of course, she’d happily tell you and the rest of the neighbours about one particularly horrific camping trip and the inability to roll my sleeping bag back up cos it was so rock solid.
Anyways, Deborah insisted I get myself checked out. To which I agreed, as I was no where near the point of suggesting that it could possibly be her that had the problem and not me. I’d take a doctors rigid anal probe over the hard fisted nut shattering she’d give me any day. Course with me getting all excited about building the incubator, I’d forgotten all about the appointment I was supposed to have made.
So a new date with the chocolate starfish inspector was made. Actually it wasn’t all that bad. The doctor had a bit of a fumble about and we both had a good laugh at the size of my penis. Brought a tear to my eye it did, but it was most likely the finger up my arse. I got handed a wee tub at the end and was asked to provide a sample. I did try to explain that I could fill that thing ten times over but they guy insisted that a small amount would be enough to give an accurate measurement. I didn’t mind. I was getting to have a wank. This wasn’t just any old dishonourable discharge. This was in aid of medical science.
As I stood there in that small cubicle which smelt like a combination of tramp, Domestos and tuna. Plastic cup in one hand, soiled porn mag in the other. Something crossed my mind. My basic understanding of biology and from what Deborah had told me, that to make a baby, there had to be an egg and a sperm. So question was, had Lil Wayne been fertilized?
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